disaster at sea

Not quite at sea. But in general, disaster.

This morning, Isobel said "Oh my god, you have to listen to this..." She then went off on an amazing spiel. She had talked to the Obscure Object the night before. He had said, in no uncertain terms, that the girl behind him in TOK should confess how she feels before Spring State, and that he had known that she'd liked him for some time.

The girl who sits behind him TOK? Me. Naturally, I guess that it meant that he was interested. It seemed like a logical conclusion. And being the honest girl that I am, I confessed to Isobel that I had had no idea that he was remotely interested, and that was why I had never had any intention of ever telling him my feelings.

During TOK, I tried to address him, but it turned out he'd taken the vow of silence. This note transcript sprung from our encounter:

Obscure Object: What?

Me: Did you talk to Isobel last night?

O. O. : I talk to her almost every night, but yes.

Me: Well, I might as well tell you then, since you already know. How do I put this so you won't think less of me?

O. O. : Why would I think less of you?

Me: When I'm nervous I tend to babble like an idiot. Here it goes: I've had a crush on you since November, and I never had any intention of telling you until Isobel pushed me.

O. O. : Well, I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell me before. But I guess that I'm flattered. Sorry, I don't really know what to say, but I truly do thank you for telling me.

Me: Well. I shouldn't have, because I've always known you weren't interested. But thank you for being gracious enough not to mock me.

O. O. : You should have told me. And I'll be honest. I haven't been interested. But who knows? JSA is coming up. The whole weekend will be unpredictable.

He said he wasn't interested. And then he said "Who knows?"

Asshole. And yet I still am madly in love with him. You know what else what he told Isobel? He's not interested in a relationship right now, he's a senior. Just about to head off to college and a brighter future: he wants nothing tying him down. No one. And I accept that if he makes a move, I'll be a one night stand and nothing more.

Life isn't fair.