I've been searching for my wings....

I know I have so many crushes that flit in and out of my life: the Sex God continues to be a constant distraction in IB Music, the Obscure Objects occasionally leaves a kind message on my Facebook wall and stirs up old emotions best left dormant, my gay best friend say something cute and I instantly want to marry him… Needless to say, I’ve got the “cosmic horn”. If you don’t know the reference, please go read Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging to find the definitive meaning of a teenager’s life, particularly mine. Although I don’t have very many hot men like the main character in Angus seems to.

Anyhow, long story short: another crush has developed. And it’s not just a “crush” per se; it’s a bona fide like. The hapless subject happens to be a year younger than me (alas) and one of the Sex God’s good friends.

So, basically, every time I see him, that song by Patrick Wolf goes through my head: “Oh! My Augustine, Augustine!/
Oh! Is this forever, ever? Oh, oh/ Sweet Augustine, Augustine/ Do we kill this one tonight?/ And now come the tears, heavy and hot/ It becomes clear, this is all we got”.

I’m not really sure why I get that in my head; I think it’s the anguished way Wolf sings it, so from the belly, from the deepest pit of his soul.

Anyhow, so the boy, who I think I will nickname Citrus Boy, after his band which I shan’t tell you what it’s called, is pretty much one of those perfect people. The kind of person you want to die next to.

Which is so funny, because I’m never this attached to anyone. Ever. Not true. But I haven’t been so lovelorn in a long time. And it’s a nice feeling, to settle back into that hopeless laughing and that perfect knowledge of unrequited love.