One of my best friends is dying right now.
I can't be there with him, or his boyfriend. Because we live on opposite sides of the earth.
I want him to email me and tell me it's all a joke.
Because it's not funny. It never has been funny.
God, I used to just say things like "I don't care if people use drugs, it's only them they're hurting". And as selfish as it is to say, it hurts me more now than it hurts him.
If he dies, I don't know how I'll ever be able to talk again. I'll have to swallow everything I've ever said to him, all the "I love yous" all the "I hate yous" and all that shit in between that means everything in retrospect.
I'd never thought I'd live in retrospect.
We're too young to.
He's twenty one.
I'm seventeen.
And he's dying.
And I can't do anything about it.
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