goodbye casanova

When I heard about Heath I went outside and chain smoked for about an hour. 

Thanks for sharing your talent with the world, Mr. Ledger. 

here, now

I got into the college of my choice. Yes. Oh my god.
I got 18,000$ scholarship (which isn't enough, but hopefully I'll get the full tuition scholarship too).

I better be going come Fall.

je te déteste

My friends are driving me crazy.

Literally.

I had a massive panic attack in class today because Jules is just… treating me like shit. And it's beginning to affect my mental health. I do not know what to do. Because fuck, I love her, but dammit.

I cannot handle anymore of this shit.

I know I need to see my therapist, who I haven't seen in like three weeks, and I need to up my meds, and I need to do about a thousand different things to help my cope, but I can't right now. I just want to curl up in a ball.

It's like last summer, except a thousand times worse because I can't escape to my room and hide for days. I have to go to school every day and see people.

I've been writing stuff on my arm, just as a way to remind myself of what I love. Quotes from my favourite books, etc. But sometimes, it's just not enough.

"Want what you can have," my elbow says. Yeah.

"Life chooses us; we do not choose it," my forearm warns.

And finally, the best; "je te déteste." That is my life in a fucking nutshell.

meh

These past few days have been hell. Returning to school is always bad, but returning to school after such a lacklustre holiday has made it especially painful. Anyhow, my life has been particularly weird lately.

But today was good; mostly because of PostSecret. There were quite a few good ones up today.